japiiw; forever, always, eternally, evermore

february 7th, 2020

as a little girl exploring the ottawa grounds I knew this place was unfamiliar

trying to claim algonquin familial lands hearing the water screaming no

how dare I claim a space where I can’t see justice rooted

responsibility lives in me even if it only comes out in rages and screams

I roared and roared rolled my eyes to the back of my mind over and over I go

no need for this travelling spirit

no matter that path that’s pathed

I turned black from this spoiling after taste

consent you say is the biggest objective

our corporation loves communicating we train every quarterly swing

marked in our calendars in bright green

miss it and you lose a point on your employee of the month grade

we honour you tribes in all round table talks

here we printed a checklist explaining it all

tell us if we made a mistake on that page we checked in once twice even got

jennifer to check it

another time we told you we value this communal tie

the homelands must be proud of us this time

but I do know this synthetic hair we use keeps us extra warm in the winter

time

I never understood why you would hurt other beings of this life

the poor dog paws

I would never want my children to go through that slow type of die

I close my breath inhale my eyes wishing I was back home with the fruits and

the flies

here I see tall men loud voices and ties

I can’t take all of this

sometimes I wish I could pull each hair out individually

before I continue to listen to these violations

repetition repetition

generations generations

on edge and out of place of course I kept trekking it there was no other choice

at that age

this age

to the trees I go make sure I grab a seat on the crooked bench and snowy ice

seats

I sit I breathe

I sit I breathe

I sit I breathe

I wait until my helpers come in to sit and breathe and make this place a little

bit more easy

please

breathing in the most flavourful taste of life

ancestor words take away the grief laying down on my hairline

as simple as consciousness bees they go quickly

leave me at recess feeling oh so lonely

always but never in a world not distant from that layer of spiritually inflamed resistance

inside the warm spaces in my heart I rumble stumble patting the ground

beginning to find those pile of coals that hit you deeper than this dazy

colonial cloud

grandmother

grandad

may we gather

I see them spraying down the corn the elderberries the blueberries the

raspberries

now they want the garden at my house

what about the blueberry cakes

I was looking forward to sharing those cucumbers with the land my helpers

my friends

the squirrels told me they were coming for their share in 10

wiped out the population of tia’m

ran the moose off of the highlands when they did nothing but give up their kin for your

abandonment

and you are oh so fond

destruction of the transferable energy bonds this is our children

wiklatmu’j

waiting for me to arrive with the plate of food I promised them

now what will I tell them when they begin dancing in

kewjik

cold

my heart their heart

beginning of february with nothing but partridge and store-bought berries

parched

in the roughest of times

salty tears running down my face the only connection to the bras d’or lakes

my displacement will be felt to the christian angels

gasping turns to panting my little hands find my neck twists it and pulls

I need the taste of the nurturance and mother juice

vitamins and minerals I need the leaves and the seeds

I promise I will re-learn how to take care of them properly

acknowledge them like all spirits need

check in ask about their day help encourage the tears the laughs the

bellyaches

pray with the water and let the water pray for the new life re-awaken

take care of all life n beings despite the starvation of centuries

feed and feed

feed our generational memory

make em dance with the rhythms below our feet

I follow the drums follow the feeling

lightning strikes the dry grasses new life let us say hi to this new set of life

let us feel the imprints in every bone and bite

cosmol love falling from the sky river paddles

I dream to be the leader guiding and gliding along the night sways

see kiju stare with smiling smiling beams

we are thankful

we are canoeing on the bras d’or lakes

what is food sovereignty you say

food sovereignty lives where my aunties lay

flowing with the tears of our heartbreak

putting things down to do the right thing

we deserve endless amounts of relations

genuine interactions we deserve the same passion you give the fucking stock

crashes

our relations mixing with new technologies we can use your expertise

simply take off the iron plates I see some on your chest on your heart on the

thighs even around the power you hold in your finger tops

I pray I pray I pray you never feel the true grief of that slip

I’m happy to say many of the scars and the leftovers are violent marks only

we can recognize

located away my one find your inner lightning bolts

strike it upon the invisible master running your inner castle take back that

agency and burn down these colonial mantles I’m tired at looking at

these dull colours

I want the tomato reds the bean greens the lemony yellows and the pink

dragons

we need that dragon to breathe to breathe with our line of grassroots leads

use those fresh working eyes use them to look around every place that you

remember

gather the tools and the locational energy

your hands let them be the one to lead create this is where we can find our

unity once again

smile and feel that free

kind you haven’t seen in decades

you have this access this opportunity this relationship in every touch and bite

you make

food is creators’ gift of grace

I have been hungry for 71 years but for you

I don’t want you to feel that type of pain for a day

allow us to move our minds together like the original ways

let’s go back to the time we paddle down the sky river as one in separate

travelling regimes

move away from the traumas laid in the gardens

we know how to uproot and re try

the ones who harvest and the ones who eat still live in the same family

eat in the same lines

together we can nurture love and feed in another plot all that matters is we

are going along

collaboration spewing out of our imaginations

spirit lights guiding the fun game as they smile

floating n flowing dancing n performing with the thundery rains

go explore your old learnings they scream

I dream

I dream

I dream

of the day I can be free of 71 years of hunger

and be able to eat with thy neighbour